When I tell people that I´m going to quit smoking, I get that usual look of disbelief and then the subject is changed quickly. It´s not that I don´t want to quit, it´s just that something always stops me from succeeding.
I decided to write a blog diary tracking my highes and lowes as I, once again, try quitting. This is merely an experiment for me to see whether or not writing about quitting can actually make me quit.
After trying patches, gum, lozenges, going cold turkey and various other methods, I started to realise that I am quite useless when it comes to saying no to my demonic cravings. I heard that writing about it helps.
Lets see.
So last Friday, I started cutting down. Saturday I smoked about 4 cigarettes and the Sunday I was down to zero. I managed to get through the majority of withdrawal symptoms, headaches, coughing, mood swings, dizziness and poor concentration for a total of 3 days cold turkey.
Today I smoked a cigarette and it made me feel sick. I still smoked it though. Afterwards, I felt so disappointed with myself that I smoked another.
I´m feeling a little angry with myself and I´m not looking forward to the withdrawal all over again. I´m planning to quit again tomorrow. I´ve messed up completely today and I´m not proud of that nor am I hiding that fact.
I have been hell on earth to my colleagues, students and boyfriend for the last couple of days. I become so irrational and argumentative, I don´t know how anyone can forgive me for some of the things I say and do.
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